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Self-checks

Relationship wellbeing self-check

A private set of questions on how communication, conflict and support have felt in your relationship recently, meant to help you notice patterns worth naming to your partner.

3-5 minutes15 questions

Think about the past month with your partner, at whatever stage the relationship is in right now. Answer for how things have actually gone, not how you wish they had gone. There is no assumption here about whether a relationship should continue or end, only a way to look at a few specific patterns more clearly.

CommunicationConflict and repairSupport and connection

This is an original set of questions and not a validated relationship or marital satisfaction scale. It produces no clinical score and cannot tell you whether to stay in or leave a relationship. If a relationship involves fear, threats or physical harm, that is a safety matter, not a communication one, and deserves support from a professional rather than a self-check.

A private reflection, not a verdict

This tool exists to help you notice patterns, not to score your relationship as good or bad. What you do with the result is entirely up to you and your partner.

Conflict is not automatically a bad sign

How disagreements get handled tends to matter more than whether they happen at all, which is why several questions focus on repair rather than frequency.

Consider sharing, not just reading

If a question surprises you, that is often worth raising with your partner directly rather than sitting on it alone.

Communication under ordinary conditions

Most couples can talk reasonably well when things are calm and time is not tight. The more revealing test is what communication looks like on a rushed weekday evening or after a disagreement, when patience is thinner. If conversations tend to stall or turn defensive specifically during those harder moments, that pattern is usually more informative than how a relaxed Sunday conversation goes.

How conflict gets repaired matters more than how often it happens

Nearly every long-term relationship has disagreements, so the frequency of conflict says less than what happens afterward. Relationships that recover well after an argument tend to share a few habits: someone eventually apologizes or acknowledges the other's point, the topic does not simply get avoided going forward, and daily affection resumes reasonably soon. If arguments instead tend to end in silence that lasts for days, that gap is worth noticing.

Support during ordinary stress

Many relationships are tested less by crises and more by the accumulation of ordinary demands: long work hours, family obligations, financial pressure, or simply living far from either person's usual support network, which is a common experience for expatriates and long-term travelers. Whether a partner notices when you are stretched thin, and responds in a way that actually helps, says a great deal about the relationship's day-to-day resilience.

Before you start

Is this a couples therapy assessment?

No. This is an original self-reflection tool, not a validated relationship satisfaction instrument and not a substitute for couples counseling. If patterns here concern you, a licensed couples therapist can offer a far more thorough and professional assessment.

Should I share my answers with my partner?

That is a personal choice. Some people find it useful to discuss specific questions together rather than treating the result as private data. There is no requirement to share anything, and doing so is only worthwhile if it feels safe and constructive for both of you.

What if my answers suggest real problems?

Treat a difficult result as a starting point for a conversation, either with your partner or with a licensed couples or individual therapist, rather than as a final judgment on the relationship. Many patterns identified early are addressable with the right support.